Autistic, more like Artistic.

Today was a great day. i have been feeling really down lately because i haven't been getting photo work, been advertising like hell, promoting, calling people, posting on craigslist and facebook but no responses. so i have just felt like poopy times, less than zero. My friend Rachel asked me if i could take some photos of her and her family. i said sure i'll give you my super friend cheapo rate "cause she has made me dinners, cupcakes, and modeled for me a bunch of times" then she said well i should pay you cause my brother is autistic so sometimes he doesn't listen and it can be really difficult. i thought to myself oh christ what have a signed myself up for, i started imagining this rain man guy running around yelling at me and swating my camera. it started sounding like a nightmare and the closer it got to me having to go to their home the more anxious i became. i pulled up and saw this red inviting quaint country home, flowers everywhere, tractors, gardening boots, just lovely. Rachel met me there and introduced me to her mother, this is going to sound so cliche' but they could have been sisters. her mom was blonde and bubbly with the same chaotic yet charming energy her daughter possesses. she walked me into her home first thing i noticed was how nicely it was decorated colored glass, fiesta china, antiques, hardwood floors, and dogs everywhere dogs. from tea cup mixed breed small dogs to a big black mastiff. they all had their own food dishes in sizes large , small, and teeny tiny. Rachel's mom was bright like a sunflower and quick like a laser beam as she swirled in circles talking a mile a minute to Rachel and without a breath making cutesy noises to the dogs aswell as showing me the remodeling that's not finished. then i noticed Jake sitting at the kitchen table looking at a small bowl of chips, quiet, just hanging out. no threat nothing scary nor difficult like what i had dreamt up. on my tour of the home i saw jakes room had this great wall of old tribal looking weapons "i'm obiviously not an archaeologist so thats the best description you'll get outta of me" and i thought wow how cool i really wanna get pic's of Jake infront of these if he'll let me. after walking around the house and the yard scoping out all the potential photo op areas i started thinking to myself this might be a decent shoot. So i started taking pic's of them in the kitchen, i really did just that no posing, nothing just observing them with my camera like a fly on a wall, the ladies didn't notice at all cause they were caught up in the web of words they were weaving back and forth, its interesting to be around because its like a ride they are on and your not invited and even if you were you couldn't break their mother daughter codes, it was like a new wavelength of communication. really even if i asked them to pose i got them to stay still for a fraction of a second. i shot pic's of them infront of the home, in the seemingly endless backyard, and i got to shoot pics of jake in his room. those are my favorites the only way he was difficult was because he would barely look in my direction, so i started showing him the pics on my camera as i shot them, and telling him how he looked like a movie star, cause to me he did. maybe i am a bleeding heart but i always feel a connection to people who are different its an instant attraction. i have no fear and feel this unspoken kinship with them. after he got used to my presence he looked my way and i got that perfect shot where you could see into his soul, it was the soul of someone who has lived beyond his years, he had the eyes of a wise old man, withered worn, yet educated and satisfied. he was darling and will be one of my most favorite subjects ever. Rachel's mother what a doll what a burst of pure sunshine she seemed like someone when faced with negativity that it would slide off of her like a drop of water, such a great energy she kissed Jake over and over again just giving him that attention and unconditional love that all kids need but not all of them get. i thought when i first met Rachel that she was an exceptional person a real gem smart, creative, quick, way beyond her years. being around her family everything i wondered about her was just explained without words. i got some really real feeling pic's just them being a family and me getting to record it, no fake smiles, or hard poses, just real happy loving wonderful people hanging out. towards the end of the shoot i asked Rachel if their was a private childhood thing her and Jake shared she was like yeah! the sign for I love you in sign language we always give that to each other, so one of the pic's above is them signing each other i found that really touching. the very last shot of the day was where Jake was facing the trees in the yard and his mother and sister are far in the distance, this is one of my fav pic's of all time, i can't even explain why i just feel like it's a strong image, Jake looking bigger than them, tall and independent. i felt very proud to have photographed them today just being there. i felt like if i was ever a mom i wanted to be that kind, loving, funny, excited and involved in all my new projects and vast interests. today i felt rich and nourished i felt that i may be broke, the work might not come as fast as i want it to, but every time i pick up a camera for free or for a small fee i feel like the wealthiest person alive and i know it's all because of my subjects and the utter satisfaction of seeing what i experience take on a permanent still life through a photograph.

the pirate and the belly dancer

When i first met Megan she had contacted me about doing some of my "speciality photos" basically where my client dreams up a look they would like to achieve through a photo could be a celebrity look a like, could be a an evil fairy in a forest i try to be as creative as possible so i love when it becomes a collaboration and challenges me in every aspect. i live to map out how i will do their makeup, their hair, how i will dress them. Megan said she was interested in doing something B&W drapey, very 1920's Paris postcard. i was immediately excited and started researching Paris in the 1920's and Miss Fernande first lady of erotica. i bought props for the shoot, flowers, i started setting up a scene, and arranging strands of pearls, ironing all my silky fabrics. like any other insane time sucking artist she arrived and i was still running around in circles with lace curtains wrapped around me, planning my pandora playlist for the shoot. Megan at first sight has a very calm and secure way about her , she smiled and i couldn't help but notice how much she looks like Drew Barrymore. I sat her down and showed her the ideas i had for the shoot, then we looked through the costumes she brought with her she had coin belts, decorated bras, thigh highs, and this gorgeous head piece from Afghanistan. i showed her the scene i had set up, then went on to do her makeup. i have been doing shoots like this for several months now and noticed that since i do spend alot of time attending to peoples makeup and hair that i develop this relationship similar to that of a beautician people share with me their secrets, their sonograms, their boy/girl dramas. i feel i really get to know people before i photograph them in some way i feel these photos are much more intimate because of the relationship that is created. Megan told me how she has Lupus, that she has been married 4 times, i found that impressive cause i can't even find anyone to date let alone propose. how her ex husband number 3 lives in her basement. how husband number 4 and husband number 3 get along great and hang out all the time. After her makeup and hair was finished i showed her which costumes she should put on and without any hesitation she disrobed in front of me walking gracefully around my studio amongst my large windows where neighbors are driving by. she is a fuller figured woman, in today's society of rail thin models in magazines, and the plastic surgery craziness one may think or call her fat or unattractive. i just saw someone with more confidence than i have, more confidence than any girl i have photographed thus far. most of the women i have shot recently were extremely thin under 120 lbs. with large breast augmentations, they looked like they fell out of a sports illustrated bathing suit issue. yet they all described themselves as fat and were bitching about their flabby stomachs or large thighs which none of them had. here was this real woman in her 30's with bruises from Lupus, and cellulite, scars from having gastric bypass surgery years earlier, stretch marks from losing weight and gaining it back walking around like she was lighter than air. it was refreshing to see and amazing to be around. the shoot was a blast , the pictures turned out great , a friend of mine likened them to the Ziegfield girls and i agree they are reminiscent of that time. Megan seemed very satisfied. through out the shoot we talked and she explained to me how she met her newest husband and its one of the best stories i have ever heard so i will share it with you. She had been asked to teach a belly dancing class to these young, thin long haired ladies who ended up becoming some of her best friends after one of their classes they all went out to a local bar still dressed in their belly dancing costumes, half shirts, and coin belts. they jangled into the bar for "all pirate night". there was a handsome blonde guy new to Buffalo from Seattle and he was the only man dressed as a pirate. there eyes met, they talked, he watched her sway and seductively dance around him and he said she was the most exciting woman he had met since he moved here. a year and a day after they met they got married. i had the cool experience of hanging out with them as a couple on several occasions, i see these two people who are an amazing team. at one party she brought in coin belts for all the ladies we jingled around and felt like gypsies after the party had died down her husband packed up all her belts. he kisses her constantly, tells her he misses her all the time and brags about how they are going to renew their vows soon. they asked me recently to come into their home and photograph them. those are the photographs above. it was a pleasure to experience two people so in love from the kitchen to the bedroom they were sneaking kisses and canoodling the whole time. their place was decorated so colorfully so warmly i didn't want to leave. i think what i learned through meeting them was its not always how you look its how you are that attracts someone. during one of the last pictures i took of them we recreated how they met her as the belly dancer he as the pirate and as she enticingly danced around him her body moved like liquid changing form in slow sexy shapes i never saw a fat woman, i saw a true goddess, a true beauty inside and out, i saw her through the eyes of her husband. i told myself next time there was a guy i wanted to meet i wouldn't avoid eye contact because i am ashamed of my shape because of "the fashion industries opinions" i will smile and laugh and be myself and if he doesn't find "me" attractive than he's an idiot and not worth this new goddesses time.