A few months ago my friend Cristina and i decided to visit Pittsburgh PA on a whim, as soon as we drove into the city and over the bridges i thought to myself i'm gonna move here. Cristina was visiting me from Los Angeles CA where she and i met 12 years ago. i guess we technically became friends 8 or 9 years ago but strangely when i first met her i said " you look like you should be behind a counter" she thought i was insane like most people do because i do let everything that's in my head come out of my mouth without any real sensor. But after seeing a picture of a crazy rainbow romeo and juliet painted car i had when i 1st moved to LA Cris said i know that car it used to be parked at the store i worked at, hence one of the 1st clothing stores i ever shopped at in CA. so i had met her upon moving there and she had cashed me out from behind a counter ha ha , so as nuts as i sounded my memory is a steal trap. Anyway flash forward till now we are still friends best friends infact we talk on the phone and text constantly. i decided to leave LA 2 years ago because i was just tired of working for other people and with an expensive city like that you have to work and alot. i just had this endless record playing in my head " you are too smart to be working for these jerks, you are an idea person put those ideas to work for yourself" so i made a decision to move back home to Buffalo NY where i spent my childhood, the crazy one i have been trying to escape from my whole life. So needless to say i moved back and hated it, all the money i saved to move back went out the window when i got a nice DUI before leaving CA. so i moved here with empty pockets, no friends and i was always around my family who by nature are just negative people. so i was angry and depressed i slept a lot, watched tv a lot and ate a lot horrible combo. but through the hazy cloudiness of my depression this insane desire to take photographs occured. its all i thought about i read books about Diane Arbus, and watched documentaries about Annie Leibovitz and Spencer Tunick. when i lived in LA i assisted Cristina {also a photographer} on some of her shoots i helped with makeup, styling, and posing, i even modeled for her several times. i always thought she's the photographer and i'm just an artist. a painter cause thats what i was mainly pursuing. looking back i realize now i had been taking pics forever just with a lot of shitty cameras but the attention to detail and desire to document has always been there. so i started taking pics with an old canon film camera to start, just walking around shooting, then as i slowly made friends i got inspired to do more themed pics. since i was working with film i had no idea how these pics were even gonna look having no real idea what i was doing but just doing it on pure instinct. i did a shoot with two friends in a cemetery very "twilight esc" vampire themed. i helped dress my models do their makeup and direct them in their posing. when i got the pics back i was floored they were amazing, i thought wow i should keep doing this. i am good at this and i love the feeling it gave me, just the rush of driving around and jumping out of car when i saw something cool to shoot. making it happen i felt like a director, i felt powerful and not lonely or secluded the way painting made me feel. so i kept shooting and shooting giving myself assignments and writing down future ideas. at the beginning of this year i got myself my 1st expensive professional camera and told myself this is what i am going to do for the rest of my life. the only question was how? who would pay me?what is the angle that can make me stand out? a few months later i decided to advertise that i do pin up esc pictures and also do makeup, hair and styling. just me, one person and you get the whole 3 ring circus. i was slammed right before valentines day so busy my head was spinning and it was all word of mouth. i was elated that i was even able to pull it off, with 1 light and a couple of pieces of fabric as backdrops. soon after the buzz dropped off and i felt again defeated. Cristina came for a visit and we went to Pittsburgh PA i just loved it, the city had a pulse, traffic, valet parking tons of restaurants, bars, people, crowds. things that in Buffalo seemed to be lacking. i had not been able to get a job in Buffalo in about 6 months and my photo business was well at a stand still. so i thought i know i'll move to Pittsburgh! i'll get a waitressing job and i'll save money so i can get more equipment and a my own photo studio. Life is funny i have to say cause while trying to find an apartment no one would call me back. i was on a mission to move cause i just knew if i got outta Buff all my problems would go away, i'd have more photo work in a bigger city, i'd have money coming in finally. so after several drives to PA and meetings with apt managers still no one would call me back. so i was like fuck this how can i flip this to make it work for me. i decided to put an ad on craigslist explaining my situation and including a pic of me and my dog. the next day i had 20 emails. i went from zero to hero! one girl sounded great so i went to PA to meet her. we had a blast totally got along i loved her house and her animals. so i went back to Buff to pack my things. before i left i posted on my photo page on Facebook (sweetheart pin up studio) that i was moving and if you want pics its your last chance. once again slammed....i barely had time to pack. but rented a uhaul and still moved to Pitt. got there unpacked went out for some drinks and started to think oh shit, i moved again! in another new place with no friends, no family "which i thought would be cool" but i felt empty again. then i realized crap i have more bills now and no job, how and where and when am i gonna work shit! crazy as life is more photo jobs started to come in from Buffalo and i found myself now commuting back and forth. because how could i not, i love taking pics and i can't just say no to my dream. 2 months i lived in PA and i was probably there a total of 14 days, the rest were in buff or driving back and forth. i missed my apt in Buffalo the painted rooms and spanish kitchen, i missed my privacy having my own place without roomates. i missed the friends i had made in Buff and all the new ones i started making through my photo jobs. i started to love the people in Buffalo for all their wackiness. i went back to PA and moved out. i built that place up like it was going to save me,i thought because it had bridges and trader joes i would be instantly happier. i thought maybe i'd meet someone to date cause i had not in Buff. i ended up seeing that what i was doing in Buffalo was unique and i was establishing myself and i never gave that place a chance. i just ran away like i have been doing since i was 17 years old. i realized it's not where you live its what you do with your time. its who you surround yourself with, its who you are that determines your own personal happiness. now i am back in Buffalo and i love it here and i am getting steady work as a photographer and steady praise and love from everyone i meet. i like this place for all the reasons i loved LA because of the characters i meet and the fun random things you can do here. i love the architecture, the festivals, the lakes, the space. i plan on staying here for a while i plan on not running away from the challenges ahead. i plan on being in charge of my future and not placing blame for my failures on a place. i know i can be happy anywhere as long as i am doing what i love.
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